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TED Talk – Mel Robbins on How to Stop Screwing Yourself



(but, not easy)

It takes FORCE!

Here’s the deal. In this day and age, we have plenty of resources available to get what we want. You can do the traditional thing of going to a bookstore and you’ll be able to find more books than you can shake a stick at for whatever topic you are wanting to learn to help you achieve the change you would like to see in your life. You can go online and find blog after blog after blog by folks who have done what it is you are wanting to do.

Heck, I saw this video on Youtube as I was going through my Lifestyle Business studies. I was actually watching a Frank Kern video when I came across this one. Youtube is a great place to find information and learn about something relates to whatever goal you are working on. When John Lee Dumas, from the Entrepreneur on Fire podcast, asked Larry Broughton (Entrepreneur of the Year) what his favorite resource was he replied… Youtube. And for good reason.

A large part of my learning comes from Youtube.

Find someone else that has done it and go study them. Go figure it out. It’s simple. It’s not easy.

In the TED Talk Ms. Robbins explains the F-word that keeps us all from making changes in our lives. And no, it’s not that “F-word”. I know I was thinking the same thing. That word is:


You hear people saying FINE all of the time. You go to a job everyday you hate, and you are FINE. Your commute to work takes you an hour and 45 minutes each way, much of the trip you feel like you are a cow in a herd of cows being slowly herded to the slaughterhouse…

But you are FINE.

You live pay check to pay check, worried each month if you will have enough to pay  your bills.. but you are FINE.

Ms. Robbins points out that the reason we are all FINE with the things in our lives that are making us miserable is because it let’s us off the hook. We don’t have to go out and do something about it. I’m FINE… I don’t need to take any action to change my life. It’s all good! In any area of your life that you would like to change there is one FACT you will have to face.


You are never going to feel like doing what you have to do to make that change.

It’s our jobs to parent ourselves. When we were kids we had our parents to “FORCE” us to do things we didn’t want to do, but were things that were good for us. Now we are all grown ups, and guess what… We need to parent ourselves. It’s time for us all to put our big boys and girls pants on, start parenting ourselves, and force ourselves to make the changes necessary to get what we WANT. If you want it you are going to need to parent yourself to do the stuff you should be doing to get it.

It’s simple, (but note easy):

FORCE Yourself

Mel goes on to explain the two sides of the brain and how they work together to keep us “on track” with our lives. I say on track because the goal is to keep us in our normal range. Anything out of that “normal” range and the brain works to get us back. We’ve got the one side that keeps us on autopilot, where we don’t have to think about what we are doing. It’s easy and doesn’t take a lot of energy. When the autopilot is interrupted for any reason we have the other side of the brain which is the emergency brake. It stops what we are doing, because it isn’t “normal” and get’s back into autopilot mode.

The problem is that autopilot mode keeps us stuck in the day-to-day stuff that we are attempting to make changes to. It’s okay that we are going to a J.O.B we don’t like because it’s “normal” for us. Don’t try and make changes to that. If you do the “emergency brake” comes on and gets us back into the norm of “it’s okay to work a job we don’t enjoy”.

 It’s this ROUTINE that is killing us.

The only way to get out of this routine and the “normal” day-to-day life is to FORCE yourself OUT of your head. You’ve got to get past your feelings. Your feelings are screwing you. You need to get past the feelings and focused on what you want. If you let your feelings control you you will not ever do anything, because you are not going to FEEL like doing it. You have to do it anyway, because it is what you WANT. And, to do this you will need to get out of your comfort zone. When you have the impulse to do it. You have to take action and do it. Right away. Don’t let your emergency brake take action.

The 5 Second Rule.

When you have an impulse, you will need to take action within 5 seconds or the emergency brake will jump into action and it will kill the impulse. This happens and you will not take action, you will not make the changes that you need to take to succeed, and you won’t get what you want. You won’t lose the weight you’ve been wanting to lose. You won’t achieve that lifestyle business you are working to have, and you will be stuck going to work a job everyday. You’ll be out there with everyone else who has accepted the norm, like the sheep that we all can be. You’ll be making, long, daily commutes, wasting a bunch of your time, crawling along the freeway. All because you’re stuck on autopilot and you haven’t forced yourself to do what is necessary to get what you want.

Make it a point this week to practice the 5 Second Rule. Play with this. Experiment with this. Give yourself a chance to continuously improve in all areas of your life.

If you would like to learn more about how to stop screwing yourself you can buy Mel Robbins’ book Stop Saying You’re Fine.
(Note: That link is my affiliate link to Amazon. If you go there and buy the book I’ll get a small commission. If you’d rather not go through my affiliate link you’ll want to open up another tab, go to and search for the book. If you do that you’ll be able to get the book without my getting a commission for it.)



MarkJ  on August 17th, 2014

Excellent blog post. Good stuff. Totally reminds me of the book/philosophy called Constructive Living. Which is summarized as (from wikipedia):

A famous Constructive Living maxim is “Accept your emotions as they are and do what needs to be done.”

Constructive Living emphasizes 1) knowing one’s purpose, 2) accepting one’s feelings (and all of reality), and 3) doing what you need to do in your life.”

As your blog post and Constructive Living essentially say, the aweful truth is that we simply are probably never going to “feel” motivated enough to do the things we really need to be doing. But to accept that we feel that way. To know that it’s just a feeling. And that feelings pass. And to then take action in the face of that.

SeanPElliott  on August 17th, 2014

Mark… Thank you for the comment. I’ll have to go check out Constructive Living. My new list of books I want to read is getting longer and longer.

I love your take on this. “…the aweful truth is that we simply are probably never going to “feel” motivated enough to do the things we really need to be doing. But to accept that we feel that way. To know that it’s just a feeling. And that feelings pass. And to then take action in the face of that.”

This blog even falls into that. There are so many “little” things that come into play to keep it going. I just finished moving web hosts. I absolutely did not want to change web hosts again. It is such a pain in the neck, but the blog was loading like molasses on the other host. I didn’t feel like taking the steps to get it moved over, but I wanted to. I knew it needed to be done. So I took action and got the darn thing done.

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